K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
