i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
