Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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