Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
