the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
