I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
