yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
