Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
