I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you traded sex for a burrito?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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