Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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