You smell like stripper and shame
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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