I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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