alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
