Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
