that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
