My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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