I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
