If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize