who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
