He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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