Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
