I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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