He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
