I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Green mimosas i think yes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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