Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
