Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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