The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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