my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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