Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
