Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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