nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
