Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
