i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
