We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
