Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
