Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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