it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
