found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize