oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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