i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
