My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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