There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
