he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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