Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
