I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm really busy with my period
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