Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
