We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
