Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
