Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
