i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
