My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
