Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
