it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
