stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
