well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
