Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
