a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
