Your face is a jimmy john
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
