1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
