Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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