I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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