i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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