Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need a beard to bite.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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