I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
