Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
