It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
