i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
