you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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