i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
