Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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