I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
