tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
