Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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