remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
