At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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