I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
