dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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