After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
