you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
