I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
