Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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