dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
